That's not something I would have been able to say about myself for most of my life. I spent years of my life thinking about what was wrong with the world, judging people who didn't live the way I thought they should and obsessing over the ways I didn't think my own life measured up to the status quo. But I've noticed things have been different for me lately.
It's not that my life changed. I still have the vast majority of the problems I had before and could well be stuck with some of them for the foreseeable future. I just have a better attitude than I used to. Some of that seemed to come with age, but the rest really was about a simple perspective change. It's a change I'm grateful for, as life is just better this way. After all, I only get one of those... a life. I don't really want to waste mine griping, complaining, and judging.
Life's never going to be fucking perfect.
I used to think that I couldn't be happy until I got specific details of my life in line. When I was an awkward teenager, I thought being prettier would do it. Later on, I thought meeting someone would be the answer. Or finding a way to run a business out of my home so I wouldn't have to spend so much of my time at an office or behind a cash register somewhere. Then I met someone, got married, and still wasn't happy with my love life, so I got a divorce and started daydreaming about the day I'd meet someone better. Once I had a business, I wanted a better one doing more exciting work.
There's always going to be something else -- some other part of your life that downright sucks or something monumental you finally achieve only to realize your life still isn't the way you want it. And the vast majority of those solutions you thought were going to solve all your problems come with brand new issues of their own. If you wait to allow yourself any measure of happiness or contentment until everything's perfect, you're going to be waiting until you drop dead.
The little stuff makes the difference.
The most significant shift for me came when I finally realized it's not the big things that make a life or breed contentment. It's the little ones. It's all the stuff that happens in between when you're so busy hustling and grinding toward whatever the next big milestone is. Once I got that, it really wasn't that hard to reach a place where I was so much happier so much more of the time.
I look forward to those little things every day. Interesting cookies from a favorite bakery or discovering a favorite fruit is back in season when it's time to go grocery shopping. Finding new movies to love and laughing with my husband. Reading a book that was recommended to me by someone whose opinion I really trust and coming out of the experience with all kinds of incredible ideas for writing of my own.
Those are the things that make me smile the widest daily. That's why I work so hard and care so much about making a success of the things I put out there -- so I can make room for more little moments and simple pleasures like those. They're what I truly miss when I can't have them, not the big stuff that's supposed to be so important.
I like being good to myself and putting good out there.
I'm still kind of a cynic. I'll always be that way, as I'm only human, and life can really kick you in the balls sometimes. But there's too much of that out there as it is. I've discovered over the past couple of years -- especially this last year -- that I enjoy being good to myself. I like taking care of my body, expanding my mind, and learning new things.
I like putting myself out there in a way that helps or entertains other people, too. It means everything to me when someone writes to me or comments to let me know they really enjoyed an article or a short story of mine they found. It feels a lot better than trying to pressure people to open credit accounts they don't need, like I did when I was in retail. Or using my writing skills to sell really shifty, fly-by-night products like I did when I first started copywriting many years ago.
It's weird. We spend most of our lives trying to grow up and figure out what's really important in life, only to realize we pretty much already had it right when we were kids. But I guess it's never too late to finally get it. Some people go their entire lives and never quite make it there.
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