I seem to have reached a turning point with some of my writing lately that I thought was still a few years down the line -- the point where I'm no longer just thinking about telling my more challenging stories, but actually sitting down and writing them. And then I've been going and posting them in front of actual people instead of just pouring my soul out into my journal and calling it a day. The topics are all over the place, but they include things to do with my upbringing, my complicated relationships with my parents, some of the abuse I experienced while married to my ex, and so forth.
I've been at it here and there for a few months now, and it's been a strange experience, especially when it comes to things I'm talking about for the first time. I often wind up feeling like I picked at a freshly-formed scab or lanced an infected boil -- sort of gross at first, with a lingering feeling of just having done something I shouldn't have, but then much better afterward when the pain is gone. I think doing this has made some of these things easier to bear and continue healing from.
I feel like I need to cheer up a little bit soon, though. I don't want to develop a reputation for being someone who complains all the time and never seems to have anything positive to say. I'm a much more joyful, grateful person than I let on a lot of the time -- even on days when I'm not feeling my emotional best. But sometimes, I find it valuable and worthwhile to look at some of the more challenging aspects of my existence through my writing. Here are a few insights for those of you who may be trying to do something similar.
Start by journaling in private first.
I'm not sure exactly what I expected when I started keeping a private journal again a little over a year ago. I thought it would be fun -- a throwback to my younger years when I journaled ferociously, and I knew it would be helpful in working through things without having to bother other people for a shoulder all the time. I didn't really expect it to change much about the rest of my writing, but that's exactly what wound up happening.
When I stopped journaling years ago, I developed a bad habit of no longer really examining my problems or the difficult things they made me feel. Instead, I'd sweep them under the rug because I had other things to do. Giving myself space to explore those things in more depth again has made me want to address them in some of my other writing. It's also served as excellent practice and made writing about personal topics feel natural again.
Put yourself in the shoes of others.
Like most writers, I worry a little bit about how a dialogue I want to open will be received, especially if I have an unpopular opinion or need to say something most people won't want to hear. I also tend to worry that I'm just self-indulgent in discussing the topic at all. Some people don't like talking about themselves, but I can admit to being the tiniest little bit vain, so I actually love it. However, I'm also self-aware enough to know that the rest of the world isn't going to find me as fascinating as I probably find myself.
That's when it helps to ask myself how I feel when I read about a similar topic from another writer. Do I find them vapid and self-absorbed, or do I admire them for being brave enough to put themselves out there like that? It's almost always the latter, so I try to keep that in mind when I'm not sure whether something's a good idea. Sometimes other people feel the same way you do and just don't want to be the first to say so.
Let complex stories brew for a while.
When I've been writing about something challenging for me, I feel like I temporarily traveled to some other dimension by the time I'm all done. A lot of strange feelings get stirred up and brought to the surface. I often don't know exactly how I feel about the writing I just produced. Anytime I feel like that about a piece of writing -- whether it was hard for me to write or not -- I like to let it sit for a little while.
That gives my feelings a chance to settle down and for me to decide how I feel about publishing the piece. Then I go back to it some afternoon when I'm just sitting down at the computer to work -- a time when I'm fresh and capable of looking at my work with new eyes. That's the best time to perform some edits, proofread, trim all the rambling I tend to do, and float it out there for public consumption once I'm all done.
Just dive right in.
Sometimes the best thing to do when you're not sure is jump in feet first. If you feel moved to write something, in particular, take advantage of your enthusiasm and start a draft or jot down a few notes right that minute. My best writing is often the stuff that pops out when I just felt really inspired and spewed something out almost on a whim, as opposed to the things I write when I'm trying to meet some goal I've set for myself.
Often, the fact that you feel compelled to write something at all is the only sign you need that you should write it. The process is therapeutic, and the writing itself often winds up having an impact. If you're ever unsure of where and when to start doing something you want to do with your writing, the correct answer is often "right here and right now." Just saying.
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