On Little House and Fading Memories

So, somehow Seth and I have become utterly obsessed with Little House on the Prairie lately. I recently signed us up for a Peacock subscription because it was the only place you could watch that Yellowstone show we thought might be cool. Then we get on there, don't actually watch Yellowstone, and start shooting this shit up on a nightly basis instead. I'm almost embarrassed to admit to how much of a blast I've been having, as I'm not sure I scan as much of a "good, clean family fun" kind of person to those who actually know me. 

I've never actually seen the show before, as it debuted two years before I was even born and went off the air before I was old enough to care much about TV shows that weren't also cartoons. I have read the Little House books multiple times throughout my life, including several times as a grown-ass adult, because I'm a kid at heart like that. Seth's been wanting to introduce me to this for a while for those reasons, as he knew I would like it.

Watching this brings back so many of the thoughts and feelings I used to have when I'd read the books as a little girl. They were a form of wish fulfillment for me for sure, especially regarding how I felt a family should look, behave, and treat one another. I wanted so badly for my parents to love each other the way Charles and Caroline did. And I wanted my brother and me to love and look out for each other the way the Ingalls sisters did. I remember relating strongly to Laura with how tomboyish she was, as well. 

When I was still an idealistic little kid, I thought I could love my family enough to somehow make them emotionally available to me and capable of loving me back in the ways I needed them to. I thought that all families were like the fictionalized Ingalls family deep down and that all it would take to unlock that potential was enough patience on my part. Then, as I got older and became more resigned to the way things really were, the Little House books became a means of escaping to a world where I could visit a home away from home where people were as they should be.

It's been fun (and interesting) revisiting this world with someone else along for the ride, as the show's tone is very similar to the one I remember so fondly from the books. Seth grew up in a dysfunctional household punctuated by toxic behavior and unfulfilled wishes, as well, so he gets where I'm coming from with some of the off-the-cuff thoughts I've been sharing as we watch our way through the show. He made a similar comment about "visiting with our other family" the other night that made me feel pretty heard.

I'll always be sorry that things didn't turn out the way I once wanted them to with my real family. But it's pleasant to know my inner child is still alive, well, and capable of appreciating these characters and stories to the same extent she did when she was younger. An imagination that's still very much active takes the bite out of the sharp edges of life for sure.