End of November Thoughts

Stéphane Audran in Babette's Feast (1987)

How we're about to put another month in the can, I really couldn't tell you. It feels like just yesterday that Halloween was approaching, and I was still planning out my November. Now it's already time to start thinking about Christmas, and my little mind is blown. It's true what they say about time as you get older. It just goes faster and faster until you're just dizzy from it. 

After today, there are only three more days left of NaNoWriMo. I'm definitely starting to run out of gas at this point in the event and will probably be happy to get back to normal, but I'm so glad I did this. It taught me a lot about how even a busy person can make room in their schedule for something new if they want it badly enough. I also really surprised myself as far as how creative I still can be. I'm thrilled with some of the stories I came up with. Some even have the potential to become very good longer works with a little patience and TLC.

At any rate, I'm definitely going to finish. I'd better! I ordered my official 2020 Winner shirt and everything. And despite not being expected to ship out until mid-December sometime, it showed up in the mail today. I feel a little silly admitting how excited I am about wearing it when I cross the finish line and hit 50,000 words on Monday, but what the hell is life for without a little childlike excitement from time to time. I've planned well enough that I'll be coming out of the event with a finished book, as well -- very exciting.

On Knots, Meatloaf, and Paprikash

It feels nice to be back in the groove as far as super regular prayer and Bible study go. I just plain feel better when I'm making a little time every day to talk to God the way I know I should. Happier, better adjusted. More balanced. Even the worst of my worries and problems seem at least approachable, if not exactly solvable, and that's honestly good enough for me most days.

Earlier this week, I finished a new novena I'd always liked the sounds of, but never actually taken for a spin -- the one to Mary, Undoer of Knots. I really do feel I have issues in my life that I can't seem to overcome no matter how hard I try. Knots that I need help untying. Some of them stem from personal issues, but others have more to do with running themes in my life that I've never been able to escape or even figure out.

The hardest ones for me to deal with are honestly the ones to do with other people, because I have little to no control over what other people think, feel, or are ultimately going to do. So much about the way other people behave and treat others is hurtful to me, and it's made it very hard for me to stay invested in most of my personal relationships on a long-term basis. All someone has to do is hurt me to make me at least consider jettisoning them from my life for good, so I've got a lot of burnt bridges to show for my 43 years on earth. With friends. With partners. With family. If I keep going at that rate, I'll wind up just like my mother by the time I'm her age -- fresh out of people and pretty much alone in the world through my own doing. A person can only get by on their good looks for so long.

New Year, Same Me (But Better)

Our Wonderful New Year's Day Dinner

So I guess it's official. Another year has been and gone, but it's different this time. This past year was perhaps the first year of my entire life that saw me truly and deliberately growing toward being the person I actually want to be. I have twelve months to look back on that I spent being determined, responsible, and dedicated to self-improvement and I like the way it feels. I definitely plan on continuing along that path in 2019 so that I can feel that way again next New Year's and hopefully every New Year's to follow.

Speaking of New Year's, I had a wonderful relaxing holiday yesterday. For dinner, I made us this delicious ham I got from ButcherBox with black-eyed peas, country greens, and mac on the side. I took the day off and spent the great majority of it relaxing. The latest and last season of A Series of Unfortunate Events went up on Netflix, so Seth and I started that, as well as continued with our rewatch of Mad Men. I spent some time working on my language lessons. The ColourPop palettes I ordered during their after-Christmas sale arrived on New Year's Eve, so I created a very pretty (and contemporary)  look with those after my morning workout as well. It was a great day and a terrific way to start a brand new year.

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The more I continue to work on my health and my looks, the more I'm getting back to being my old self again. Part of that has actually meant being more social (at least online) and actually talking to people again the way I used to. In many ways, that's been great. I've found some great groups online where I can talk to other people that are into things I'm really interested in at this point in my life (e.g. fitness, beauty, tarot, or astrology).