On Tax Day, Freelancing, and All the Rest of It

Today was Tax Day, so of course, I was on Turbo Tax today getting my taxes done. I don't know why I always feel the need to wait until actual Tax Day to file my returns. I'd probably be a lot better off being proactive and getting them done in January or February like all the big boys and girls out there. 

I'm guessing it's because taxes are not fun when you're a self-employed person. You pretty much always owe, and I'm like a dragon hoarding its gold when it comes to money, especially these days. I've been very proud of how I've been able to put money in savings, clean up my credit, and all the rest of it over the past few years. It is not easy for me to let large amounts of money go for purposes like taxes, big bills, or unexpected emergency purchases. And I did really well last year -- certainly the best I've done since I started freelancing full time -- so I had to cough up a pretty big wad of change.

I feel better about it than I would have thought, though. In the past, stuff like this used to really piss me off, but I guess at some point over the past decade or two, I actually grew into an emotionally mature adult. I'm more socially astute than I used to be, so there's something I like about knowing I've paid my share toward the money that goes to pave roads, help people in need, and keep society running. I enjoy feeling like a productive, contributing member of society and all that. 

I guess that means I'm officially an old fart, but whatever. It's all good. It's just money. There's a lot more of it where that came from, and I have a lot of faith in my ability to earn more these days. It certainly feels like a load off -- having something I dread as much as I dread doing taxes officially off my plate for another year.

On Changing Perspectives as We Age and News Break

We've been really into stories about kings and queens lately, so we've most recently been rewatching The Tudors. I'm also repeatedly reminded of how differently I can process stories and characters as I age. As someone who loved history growing up, especially the history of medieval England, I always found the stories about Henry VIII and all of his wives especially intriguing. In particular, I was absolutely nuts about Anne Boleyn.

The younger me related deeply to Anne because I saw myself in her. I loved how outspoken and opinionated she was. I liked that although she didn't necessarily fit the beauty standards of the time, she managed to go down in history as a beauty anyway. I loved that she didn't place "sensible" limits on what she thought she could achieve. For instance, it never even occurred to her that wanting to be queen was reaching too high. She made up her mind that she wanted it, and she got it. 

And, of course, Catherine of Aragon -- the sitting queen and Henry's wife -- was on the other side of that equation. She was older and infertile. Henry loved her once but grew tired of her. She was in the way of what he really wanted -- to have Anne as his wife instead -- and she became highly inconvenient because of that fact. Never mind that she was a wonderful queen and beloved by the people of England. The younger me didn't particularly like Catherine. I remember thinking she should be less stubborn, accept that Henry didn't want her anymore, and step aside gracefully so Anne could be queen. 

Having not read or watched anything about the Tudors in some time, that whole story hits entirely differently now that I'm in my 40s. Anne scans like a spoiled little brat who needed to stay in her lane and not go after things that didn't belong to her. And Catherine comes across as good, decent, admirable, and deserving of so much better than she got. I still found the death of Anne Boleyn to be horribly tragic, but that's about it. Don't even get me started on how Henry VIII was just an awful person and a blight on humanity in many different ways.

A Welcome End to an Emotionally Intense Week

Not that I really expected anything to truly be different now that we're into a new year, but suffice it say, I no longer care to subscribe to 2021's newsletter. And we're only a little over a week in, for Pete's sake. By now, everyone knows about the mob of Trump-supporting rioters that stormed the United States Capitol this past Wednesday. People have weighed in on this non-stop over the past several days, so I won't rehash all the details, but -- as was the case for many people, I'm sure -- this threw the biggest emotional wrench into my wellbeing this week. 

I've been feeling horribly anxious ever since, and I've found it very difficult to write much outside of my client obligations. Somehow, giving relationship advice and chattering on about general self-improvement doesn't seem like the thing to do right now. It already felt like people weren't really in the mood to improve themselves or their lives much this January, but the turmoil created by this event has only made things worse. Perhaps I should consider branching out soon and writing more about social issues, politics, and the like. It might give me somewhere productive to channel the very intense, strange feelings I've had this week.

I'm appalled not only by the fact that people who claim to be proud American actually did this but that there's been a sad lack of consequences for it overall. Yes, by now, the FBI has tracked some of these people down and started making arrests, but that's nothing compared to what would have happened here if these had been Black Lives Matter protestors instead of a horde of white Trump supporters. Donald Trump has been banned from several major social media platforms for inciting violence, but he's yet to be impeached or removed from office for this. 

There's quite a lot of evidence that these same people are planning even more violence to come between now and Inauguration Day on the 20th, as well, so I hope someone with some authority is taking this seriously. I'm scared for soon-to-be President Biden and Vice President Harris. I'm saddened to see family and people I thought were friends condoning what's happened here. And most of all, I'm a little ashamed to be an American right now -- especially when you consider additional factors like our failure to handle the COVID pandemic with any sort of grace. It's a lot to unpack, and I haven't been feeling like my productive, optimistic self at all.

On December, News Break, and the Holiday Blahs

I suppose there isn't much left of the dumpster fire that's been 2020 at this point, although it hardly matters. It's not as if something magical is going to happen the minute the clock strikes midnight on New Year's Eve or anything. The world will still be as it is, and we'll still be as we are -- hurting but healing and figuring out what's next for us. But that is, without a doubt, one of the more valuable lessons I've learned this year. 

You may not be able to control all of your circumstances to the extent you'd like, but you have total control over how you react to them. As someone who's had to teach herself to willingly take the reins of her own life over the years, I'm pretty proud of how consistently I showed up and showed out this year. I managed to turn some of the worst challenges of my life into fruitful, productive ways to earn, heal, and express myself this year.

This has especially been the case with my writing. I ended last year as a burnt-out copywriter who wasn't even sure how she'd be making ends meet in the year to come. I'm finishing this one in a completely different place. Not only did I find newer, better avenues for my copywriting skills, but I also became a professional blogger and found paying outlets for what I think of as my "real" writing. I completed the first draft of a book this year -- my very first stab at book writing ever to result in a finished manuscript. I have a running list of additional avenues I'll be exploring in 2021 and beyond, as well. I'm exceedingly happy with where I am right now and excited about everything yet to come.

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Like a lot of my friends and favorite writers on Medium, I've been testing the waters at News Break this month. I was invited to join their creator program at some point over the past couple of months, but I slept on it a while, as they seemed to be looking for citizen journalists as opposed to writers who do... whatever the hell it is I do. But then many writers from my circle started saying they saw some decent traffic there, even if all they'd done is republish their personal development stuff from Medium, so I decided to try the same thing.