On Returning After an Unplanned Hiatus and Thanksgiving

Haynes King - The Letter

So here I am -- back from a somewhat involuntary break from blogging and working on getting back into the swing of things. I didn't plan things that way, but I did wind up busier than I needed to be, so I had to make a few judgment calls on the fly. I'm no longer willing to risk burnout or cut into my personal time with my husband to get ungodly amounts of work done, so I decided to simply put a couple of things on hold instead.

Sadly, blogging didn't make the cut as far as my writing life goes, but in retrospect, the break seems to have been good for me. Not only do I feel less poopy about certain things I'd been feeling poopy about, but I'm genuinely excited to get back into the groove after some time away. I've really missed expressing my thoughts this way and interacting with other writers on Medium and across all my social media channels.

As for what I have been up to, I did indeed wind up participating in this year's NaNoWriMo event. And I won, as these days I try to follow through on the writing commitment I make to myself come hell or high water. So that means I have a whole new collection of short stories under my belt -- one for every day in November. 

In April, I'll probably edit it for Camp NaNoWriMo and then begin releasing the stories one by one after that, as that worked out remarkably well last year. In the meantime, I still have plenty of stories leftover from last year's event that still haven't seen the light of day, so I'll still be floating the occasional fiction piece out there in the meantime. 

I've also been really busy with my copywriting business. I started writing marketing-themed content for a new client toward the end of October, and it's been working out really well so far. Not only does he toss me a good amount of work and pay me really well for it, but he eventually invited me to become a credited contributor to his company's blog. That means that although he's still my client and I'm still a hired freelancer, I'm no longer a ghostwriter as far as this particular client is concerned. And I'm stoked about it.

As anyone who's known me or read my stuff for long knows, I've had kind of a love/hate relationship with freelancing, in general, and ghostwriting, in particular when it comes to my writing. On the one hand, I love earning my living doing something like this instead of killing myself behind a cash register or a reception desk somewhere. But I don't always love letting other people take credit for content I worked hard on, especially when that content contains a lot of myself. 

I do occasionally still take one-off assignments about odd topics I don't really care about, but as I've gained experience, I've also niched down quite a lot. Most of the material I write for my regulars these days is on topics that I'm genuinely interested in and knowledgeable about -- like marketing, food, or relationships -- so it's not always easy to just give it away and let someone else take the credit for it. Being given a byline by this new client has really made me feel seen and valued in an exciting new way, so I'll be pursuing more opportunities like that in the future for sure.

On Summer Weather I Can Actually Enjoy for a Change

I almost don't dare speak of it "out loud", even online, because I don't want to jinx anything. But it's been unseasonably cool out here these days. Typically, we'd be frying to death out here, especially considering how awful the climate's gotten over the past few years. That's certainly what's been happening to my friends in Southern Cal and upstate, as well as up in Washington and Oregon -- long-lasting heat waves and ridiculous temperatures well above 100 degrees. 

To be honest, I'm shocked that we're not getting the same, but I'm not going to look a gift horse in the mouth, either. I'm sorry for everyone else, but I'm exceedingly grateful not to be dealing with the same. We've been happily making the most of fantastic weather that's been pretty much perfect -- cool and even cloudy for the most part. It even rained a couple of times, which is always welcome this time of year. I'm not interested in a repeat of last year's god-awful wildfire situation.

We've still been enjoying all of our wonderful al fresco meals just about every night, as well. However, we've also (somehow) developed a new interest in playing old-school games at the table for a little while after we've finished eating. So far, we've mostly been playing Uno, but we've been having so much fun, we want to learn more games soon. Interestingly, that's just hilarious to me, as I've always thought card games, board games, and that sort of thing sounded like the lamest thing to want to do with your time. You'd think by now I'd have internalized "don't knock it 'til you try it" a little better. 

Assorted Stuff and Randomness

The Luncheon of the Boating Party - Pierre-Auguste Renoir

My head's been full of weird, existential thoughts lately. Much to the disappointment of people who actually know me, that doesn't always make me the greatest company, but it's been great for my writing. Good. It's been a while since I felt properly full of writing ideas that haven't either been done to death or that just don't quite scan for whatever reason. I haven't been doing too badly at sticking to my publishing schedule lately, either. 

The weather seems to have finally gotten the memo that it's June, as it's been feeling an awful lot like summer lately in ways I don't like. It's been warm, it's getting humid, and the combination of both has been making my soul feel like coming out of my body and floating away somewhere. This has never been my favorite time of year, as I don't like warm weather one little bit. But after last year, summer brings with it a certain amount of fear, as well. I'm trying very hard not to think about wildfires. I really hope the powers that be are better prepared to handle such things this time around.

Seth and I have been trying to make the most of things by using the mild-to-warm weather as an excuse to spend more time outside. We usually eat dinner in the kitchen, but lately, it's been warmer than I'd like in there for sitting, especially after I've just gotten done cooking. Being outside gives me a chance to cool off. Plus, it's actually been nice getting a little bit of sun and fresh air. My body and constitution seem to like it, even if my mind isn't always a fan. 

........

My writer's mind keeps circling back to creative writing quite consistently lately. I'm surprised, actually. Truly creative, imaginative storytelling is something I thought I wasn't interested in anymore and no longer knew how to do. It's been interesting to find out that not only still can I write like that -- and reasonably well -- but that my mind still readily goes there on command and naturally seems to come up with really unique ideas. 

On Tax Day, Freelancing, and All the Rest of It

Today was Tax Day, so of course, I was on Turbo Tax today getting my taxes done. I don't know why I always feel the need to wait until actual Tax Day to file my returns. I'd probably be a lot better off being proactive and getting them done in January or February like all the big boys and girls out there. 

I'm guessing it's because taxes are not fun when you're a self-employed person. You pretty much always owe, and I'm like a dragon hoarding its gold when it comes to money, especially these days. I've been very proud of how I've been able to put money in savings, clean up my credit, and all the rest of it over the past few years. It is not easy for me to let large amounts of money go for purposes like taxes, big bills, or unexpected emergency purchases. And I did really well last year -- certainly the best I've done since I started freelancing full time -- so I had to cough up a pretty big wad of change.

I feel better about it than I would have thought, though. In the past, stuff like this used to really piss me off, but I guess at some point over the past decade or two, I actually grew into an emotionally mature adult. I'm more socially astute than I used to be, so there's something I like about knowing I've paid my share toward the money that goes to pave roads, help people in need, and keep society running. I enjoy feeling like a productive, contributing member of society and all that. 

I guess that means I'm officially an old fart, but whatever. It's all good. It's just money. There's a lot more of it where that came from, and I have a lot of faith in my ability to earn more these days. It certainly feels like a load off -- having something I dread as much as I dread doing taxes officially off my plate for another year.

On Fiction Writing and Beauty in Middle Age

I can't believe I'm once again over here staring at the tail end of another month. I genuinely don't understand where the time goes or why it goes so quickly. Maybe it really is just something that comes along with being older. This hasn't been my most productive month for various reasons, but I'm hanging in there regardless. 

Luckily, I haven't wholly spaced Camp NaNoWriMo after deciding on a whim to give it a try at the end of last month. I really enjoyed my little journey back into the wide, wonderful world of creative writing back in November. Still, I'd been feeling pretty guilty about not having gotten around to editing any of my work yet. Camp NaNo's been great for that, though, so I'm super glad I went ahead and participated. 

Say what you will about any of the NaNo events, but I've learned not to knock them at this point in my growth as a writer. Not only are they fun and challenging, but they help you cut right through your usual collection of excuses as to why you're not making time for writing projects you say you want to complete. They've shown me what's possible when I put my mind to making it happen, even if I'm genuinely busy.

On that note, I can't seem to stop thinking of even more ideas for wonderful stories I'm sure would be a blast to write. Like NaNo, I thought creative writing was something I'd outgrown over the years and no longer truly enjoyed. This is quite simply not true, and I can tell I'm going to want to start doing it more regularly. I just wish I had somewhere to publish some of these where I could be sure they'd be read and enjoyed. 

At present, I'm playing with the idea of floating a couple out there on Medium here and there just to see how they do. I know P.S. I Love You has a Fiction Friday thing they do, so there must be someone over there who enjoys reading the occasional story along with their daily dose of self-help articles and personal essays. I'm just very excited about rediscovering this side of myself as a writer, and I'm dying to share it with the tiny handful of people who like my things. I suppose it can't hurt. You never know when something will unexpectedly find a larger audience.

On Camp NaNoWriMo and Trying On My Editor's Hat

So, I'm doing another creative writing-related thing this month. Admittedly, it's a thing I'm embarrassed to admit I've never done before despite an entire lifetime of writing. I'm actually working with the raw manuscript I created during NaNoWriMo last November to get it edited from start to finish. These days, NaNoWriMo hosts an additional Camp NaNoWriMo event twice a year in April and July, where writers are allowed to set their own goals. I got an email about this year's April event a while back and -- since I, of course, still haven't gotten around to editing my last batch of work under my own power -- I decided to go for it.

Since editing goes a heck of a lot faster than raw writing does, especially when I'm editing my own stuff, I haven't had to be as diligent about doing it every day. (I'm a very clean writer, even when I'm flying by the seat of my pants, so editing is often more like proofreading than anything else.) I've been keeping up really well regardless, though, and have everything a little less than half-done. I'll definitely be able to "win" the event and come out of it with a fully edited collection of short stories. Then they'll all be ready to use, submit, or publish in the future.

I'm starting to feel... almost grown-up these days as far as my writing goes. First, I started making actual money writing things I wanted to write for a change. Now I've not only stuck with a long-form writing project long enough to finish it, but I've also managed to get back to it and tackle the editing. I gave up on the idea of longer writing projects a long time ago, as I thought I didn't have the attention span necessary to finish one. I'm thrilled to see I was apparently wrong about that. 

And the process of reading back through all these little stories has been a pleasant surprise. Most writers complain about going back to old material they've written and finding that they hate every single word of it. I'm having the exact opposite experience. I've been away from these ideas long enough to not entirely remember every little detail of how they play out, so they're almost like new to me. And... they're actually good. Some of them are very good, even if I do say so myself. 

What I've Learned About Fitting a Major Writing Project into an Already Tight Schedule

I officially take back everything I ever said in the past about fellow writers who couldn't manage to stick with their NaNoWriMo projects all the way to the end of the event. Back when I used to win NaNo all the time, I didn't have anything close to a full line-up of professional and personal responsibilities to manage the way I do now. It's an entirely different ballgame when you do, as it takes more than just discipline and an iron will to keep all those balls in the air. Hats off to anyone who can make it work.

That said, I'm hanging in there pretty well this year myself. I've been staying on par with my NaNoWriMo word count every single day without exception. Keeping up with everything else writing-related I have on my plate was a challenge last week, so I spent a lot of this week playing catch-up with things like my Medium posts. I've figured out a few things along the way, though. May they help those of you who will struggle in the future to add an additional project to your writing schedules when you're already busy like a mo-fo. 

You don't find the time. You make it.

I've written some Medium content about how to optimize your ongoing schedule for maximum productivity. I'm repeating the gist of what I said here because that's how important it is that you get it. I hear people continuously talk about wishing they had time to do what they want to do because they're just so busy. 

That's the thing, though. Everyone's busy -- everyone -- and I can assure you a lot of the hyper-productive people you know are a lot busier than you probably are. They have the same 24 hours to work with every day that you do. They just got super serious about streamlining their schedules, so they're not wasting time on a bunch of bullshit, is all.

Scattered Friday Thoughts on Writing in Stages

Officially speaking, I keep saying I'm not sure whether I'm indeed doing NaNoWriMo this year or not, yet all my actions tell me my heart's already set on it. Earlier in the week, I came up with a working title and designed a book cover on my phone while working out on my stationary bike. A Medium draft I've been picking at in bits and pieces over the past couple of days is about NaNoWriMo as a possible tool for writers. Earlier today, I was on NaNo's forums chatting up other writers before I temporarily left the office to go cook dinner for my family. 

Anything could happen between now and then to change my mind again, but I'd say I'm about 90 percent sure at this point that I'll do it. It's been so long since I did any creative writing that I'm curious as to whether I still know how. Plus, I smell possible post fodder to dip into here and there throughout November. I'm interested in seeing how I handle the event as an older, significantly more organized writer, as well. 

........

I've been noticing something interesting about my writing these days. I used to think I flew completely by the seat of my pants when it comes to deciding what to write about. However, my ideas actually go through very organized stages of evolution. They start out as thoughts on life or snippets from daily conversations that likely make it unfiltered into my private journal at some point. Most stay there because the bulk of my everyday thoughts wouldn't be of interest to anyone but me. Some eventually graduate to at least a mention in this blog or somewhere else on social media. 

On Flashbacks and Flashes Forward

I've been trying to get my shit together a little more regarding this blog lately. The craziness attached to that last Medium article that went viral over the summer is over now, but people are still finding their way here out of interest in me, so I've been sprucing up a few things. For instance, I just spent the better part of an hour reformatting old posts, fixing broken images, and all of that good stuff. Of course, anytime you're going back through any of your old work, it's inevitable that you'll at least skim some of it. That was certainly a weird experience.

I don't know that I do what other writers do and get hung up on how badly my older writing sucks in comparison to my more recent work (although I definitely do see a skill level difference.) I'm more stunned by how different my thinking is. I'm in a completely different mindset sitting here in my office writing this today than I was in most of my early posts. 

I've struggled so much in life, especially mentally and emotionally. I always did my best to put on a good face in front of others -- fake it 'til you make it, and all that -- but life, in general, always seemed so pointless and unnecessarily hard. It was heartbreaking to see Younger Shannon starting projects she was so hopeful about and quickly giving up -- all the fruitless little fits and starts. I can see in that version of me someone who desperately wants her life to matter and feel worth living but has no idea what such a life would look like or how to get there. The shadow of the person I'd eventually become is there, but barely. 

To be completely honest, I'm not really sure how I managed to get myself from there to here. When I read those older posts, I see someone who wants to die and is already well on her way to doing exactly that. I suppose I eventually sank deep enough that I was finally ready to do the shadow work. I'm not sorry those dark years in my life happened, as I wouldn't be able to write the things I'm writing now without them to reflect on, but it's hard to go back and witness them as they're happening. It's hard to read the proof of how hopeless and suffocating they were.

On Regrouping and Looking Ahead to the Future

How we're already nearly halfway through January already, I'll never know. Don't even get me started on how an entirely new decade has up and started while I've been busy focusing on other things. I spent the rest of the time leading up to Christmas and New Year's continuing to focus on my professional and public-facing writing. Part of that involved continuing to build a presence and establish myself on a couple of the newer platforms I'd signed up with. The idea was to have turned those outlets into viable places to earn money on an ongoing basis before I was officially off the roster at BKA and really needed that income. 

Things worked out on that front a lot better than I'd hoped -- so well, I actually spent very little time writing for BKA in the second half of December. One of the two platforms I'm using regularly these days is a little more sporadic and less reliable as far as being able to go there and pick up extra work whenever I want some, but it's great for filling in my schedule here and there. The other has been working out well enough that it's definitely an appropriate replacement for BKA as far as my overall income goes. New work is posted there very regularly, so I've had plenty of things to work on. I've also managed to connect with some new regulars. The pay is really good. There's the potential to earn even more and gain access to even better projects if I work hard there as well. 

I'm hoping neither of those platforms suddenly goes tits up on me the way that BKA did because of AB-5, but I also feel like that becomes less likely the further into 2020 we get without it happening. It seems like most of the outlets that decided they wanted nothing more to do with California writers found it deeply important to give us the boot before the new year started and the new laws went into effect, so... knock on wood, and all that. 

Hatching (and a Wee Story)

To me, the best time to turn over a new leaf isn't New Year's Day. It's still cold then, meaning the earth is still hibernating and so am I. I'm also just coming out of full holiday mode at the beginning of January -- probably not even back to work yet after whatever vacation I took to celebrate the season. I'm not ready to go from that state of being to making self-improvement plans and trying to be productive in any meaningful way. 

"Pre-spring" is a much more natural time for that. It's getting a little warmer, which makes it easier to get in the mood for positive change. Lent also starts, so I'm already primed and ready to put the brakes on the old self-indulgence engine for a while. I've been in kind of a low energy funk for a while, but I feel pretty prepared for Ash Wednesday day after tomorrow. This is a challenging time of year for me, but an exciting one as well.

........

That said, I felt like trying to snag myself a real bank account and maybe a line of credit a few days ago. To my very pleasant surprise, I was actually approved for both. My credit's been such shit for such a long time, I've grown completely used to living a cash only lifestyle over the years. Apparently by now though, it's been so long since any credit problems I might have once had that I'm seen more as someone with no credit at all than I am a potential risk with bad credit. (I confirmed this with an actual credit check.)