Not Just Another Bloody Mary

"Sea of Thoughts" -- Lindsay Rapp

Why do I do this -- forget about regularly hashing out my thoughts and recording my life in a format more substantial than a tweet or a Facebook status update? It's my knee-jerk reaction to say I've just gotten too lazy about my personal writing, but there are other times where I'm aware that maybe I just don't "need" journaling to the same extent I used to. I may finally be growing up in a way I once thought I never could or would. A possibility that is both wonderful and sad all at the same time.

Since I last updated this past March, my life has continued along the same path for better or worse. Things are still very much the same with my mother, her health, and her apparent lack of desire to regain her independence. That depresses me deeply, if I'm going to be very honest. So many people would have loved to receive the second chance she got, but will never get it. Meanwhile, she's just wasting hers. Growing fatter, lazier, and more complacent by the day. No effort made to repair anything in her life, including all of her broken relationships.

I'm still working very hard to be different from that. When I was a little girl, I used to look forward to summer vacations just like every other kid. However, I loved spending mine improving myself for some reason. Summers were a time for me to see how many books I could read, draw all the pictures I could, learn new symphonies on the piano, and undertake all sorts of fun little personal writing projects. Lately, I feel like I'm that little girl again, only all of the time, as opposed to just over the summers. I'm voraciously hungry for self-improvement again, and I am loving every second of it. Especially since I can finally tackle all these little challenges I set for myself with the focus of a 40-something. It's a really interesting combination of energies and one that is very new to me.

I'm still having a blast and a half with all my beauty stuff. I've learned how to do so many things with makeup and whatnot. I know how to rock every color and style like a boss now instead of over-relying on dark lipstick all the time. My skin and hair are in the most amazing condition. I'm continuing to shed body fat and build muscle. One of these days, I'm actually going to wind up with a body that's fit and toned for the very first time ever. What will that look like, I wonder? What will it feel like? How fun will it be to dress such a body in interesting new clothes and steer it around out there in the world one day? I can't wait to find out, and I am truly enjoying every step of the journey there.

I believe I mentioned beginning to learn German in one of my last entries (in addition to brushing up on the Spanish and French I've known for years). Well, I've continued with that in a big way. In fact, the whole language learning thing has really ballooned over the course of 2019 and become one of my main hobbies. I also apparently have a gift for it, which really pleases me. I never would have thought that at this age, I'd still be discovering new passions and gifts to develop and get excited about.

At this point, my French and Spanish are getting really good, as is my German. I've also taken up studying still more languages in the meantime. Italian, Swedish, and Norwegian earlier in the year. Then more recently, Latin and Romanian. Once I've gotten those last two to a level that's fair to middling, I actually plan on taking up Portuguese and Dutch as well. I am studying all of these languages actively to the tune of multiple sessions every single week, and I am very serious about reaching full fluency in regards to all of them one day. That means I technically speak nine languages now (if you count English) with plans to make it eleven very soon. After that, I'd like to start exploring some Asian languages -- Japanese and Chinese for sure, but maybe Korean as well. After that, who knows? I've set a lifetime goal for myself of twenty languages learned and mastered. That's one more than even the amazing Missandei of Naath from Game of Thrones spoke. Yes, I know she's fictional. No, I don't care.

In the meantime, that 25th high school reunion I mentioned came and went a couple of days ago. From the sounds of it, there was a little bit of high school-esque drama going on. I don't know who was involved, but some people were complaining of very clique-ish behavior on the parts of some who were present. I didn't go, of course, and hearing about things like that going on made me really glad I wasn't there. High school was very hard one me, but I've been able to leave that behind to a pretty impressive degree over the years. I'd just as soon not set myself up to experience any of the same hurtful behavior all over again.

My friend Tina did say that people were asking about me though. It actually really makes me happy that people still remember me and much more fondly than I would have thought. Like I've said in the past, I may never see my way clear to actually showing up to one of these things... but I do like interacting with some of these folks on social media and whatnot. And it's nice to know people still think about me sometimes for sure.