On Life and What I've Been Up to Creatively Lately

Original Image by Shannon Hilson via Midjourney

I swear I don't know where the damn time goes when it comes to these blogs I still like to tell myself I maintain. I'll realize it's been a while since my last update, but when I finally make it over to the platform to type something up, I'll see it's actually been... like... months. So long in some cases that the entire posting interface is totally different, as is apparently the case with Blogger today.

I know I keep saying this, and I'll say it again (to whatever audience I still have left or might have at any point in the future). Don't take breaks when it comes to your personal writing. I don't care how many awesome clients want to pay you good money for your time, expertise, and labor. A week off so easily turns into a month, and that so easily turns into several months. Before you know it, you're back to wondering whether you even know how to write a decent blog post anymore and unsure of where to start figuring it out.

Instead, treat whatever type of writing you want to make sure you keep doing -- blogging, newsletters, journaling, fiction, poetry, fortune cookie sayings, what have you -- with the same seriousness you would your paying freelance work. Try not to worry too much about whether it makes you money because God knows that's my problem. I have a tendency to spend my time and writing energy wherever the money is at any given time, but self-expression is crucial, too, which you'll realize if you neglect it long enough.

On Clients and Freelance Work

My original reason for taking a bit of a break from blogging and other types of writing (with the exception of the private journaling I do for the sake of my sanity and the creative writing I pump out every year during NaNoWriMo) was an abundance of well-paying freelance work that fell in my lap. It was mostly thanks to one client for whom I loved writing and still enjoy writing. But they've been revamping some things on their end lately.

Some of the revamps had to do with their reimagining their SEO strategy, which meant the blog project they had me working on became less of a priority. They're also going through some staffing changes. The editor I'd gotten to know and had been working with this entire time left last Friday, and I was honestly pretty bummed about that, as I genuinely liked the guy and enjoyed working with him. 

I don't yet know the new editor or her vision for that blog moving forward, and they're likely still figuring it out themselves. But for the immediate moment, I don't have a ton to do as far as assignments from that company go. That leaves me with a little free time on my hands after I'm done seeing to my other regulars. It feels weird to have time again, but I'm going to see if I can't use it to reestablish some sort of regular writing habit here.

On Discovering My Competitive Spirit

Untitled by Vincente Romero

So, I finally heard back about my application to Medium's new fellowship program. I did indeed get in, so once I receive my contract and get that all signed, I can expect a nice little minimum payment guarantee for August, September, and October. That's great because the more I can count on making through their platform every month, the more time I can actually justify spending over there. 

As always seems to be the case with every online platform, many writers have their gripes with Medium, but I've really been pretty happy with my experience so far. The type of writing I like to do is exactly the type of writing that does well there. I've been flexing my blogging muscles more often and can tell they're getting stronger, as I've been finding it easier to post really engaging content more frequently. And much to my surprise, I even seem to fit into the community there, and fitting in has never been something that came easily to me.

Medium also announced a big Vocal-style writing contest to close out the summer a few days ago. There are four prompts, four hefty cash prizes, an even heftier grand prize that will go out to one lucky writer, and a generous handful of smaller honorable mention payouts. I don't really kid myself that I will actually win anything, but I'm still looking forward to participating. The prompts are all totally my speed and sound like a blast to work with. Plus, you never know. Somebody wins those things.

Granted, it's taken me most of my life, but it's been nice to find things to do with my time and my talents that actually inspire a little healthy competitiveness in me. I was considered very gifted as a child and allegedly had a genius-level IQ, but I hated everything about it -- especially the way I was expected to enjoy competing with other kids for so-called honors that didn't mean anything to me. In some cases -- as with scholarships, apprenticeships, and opportunities to be shipped away to summer school in some other state -- I actively didn't want whatever the prize was. (Anything that added up to being ripped away from my home and being given a ton of extra work to do honestly felt more like a punishment than a reward.)

Some Scattered Thoughts on What's to Come

I completely spaced that it was going to be Martin Luther King Day today. Every year, I seem to do that mostly because it just falls so darned close to all the major winter holidays. Somehow, my brain never got the memo that national holidays and the associated three-day weekends aren't just spring and summer things.  

That's the great thing about my writing schedule these days, though. Thanks to the passive income I've been bringing in via platforms like Medium and News Break lately, I haven't had to pack my schedule to the brim with copywriting and ghostwriting assignments the way I used to. I've continued to write for my long-time regulars, but that's about it. 

The more income my blogging generates, the more wiggle room I have, as far as my work schedule goes in general. I usually try to get my freelance obligations out of the way early in the week when I'm freshest, but I'm a little behind where I want to be with my Medium postings for this month. In honor of Martin Luther King Day, I'll compromise by leaving the freelancing until tomorrow and spending the entire day on my other content instead. I've gotten much better at actually seeing it as work and taking it appropriately seriously.

........

I have so many emotions going on regarding Biden's inauguration the day after tomorrow. On the one hand, I'm so excited about getting a normal president back in the White House again. I get that all politicians have their agendas, but Trump just took things to this whole other level that I never want to see again in my lifetime. I have my issues with Biden, but I at least feel confident that he cares about this country and about doing a good job as our president. He's not a flaming racist, a brazen liar, or a troublemaker. He doesn't grab women by the pussy or secretly yearn to turn American into a dictatorship. A low bar, perhaps, but it's more than good enough for me at this point.

How Do You Know Whether You Can "Make It" as a Writer?

Many writers out there who specialize in content that helps others be better people are super friendly and really hands-on as far as forming a personal connection with their readers. They're good about answering their email promptly and always have a minute to chat over instant message. In other words, they're experts at forming friendships with the people who read their things. As you may or may not have noticed, I'm really not one of those writers.

One of the criticisms I've received most consistently from people who know me is that I'm distant and hard to get to know, and I really can't argue with that assessment. I'm not kidding in the least when I describe myself as introverted to the point of being reclusive. I've never been a very chatty person as far as one-on-one communication goes, even on the internet. However, I've been trying to make up for that by posting more content that directly answers some of the questions people ask me the most. 

Aside from how to get started as a writer in the first place, this is by far the question I'm asked the most often. Chances are you already know the answer deep down, but if you genuinely don't, get honest with yourself as to how you'd answer the following questions.

Do you genuinely like writing, or do you just want to have written something?

I assure you they're not the same thing. I've known so many people who love the idea of having published books or a successful blog to point to but don't really enjoy the act of writing. So, how do you feel about it? When you find yourself with spare time on your hands, is your natural response to go, "oh, good, I can do some writing," or do you spend the next several hours of your life binge-watching Netflix like everyone else? Is writing something that brings you joy or a chore that you secretly dread?

What I've Learned About Fitting a Major Writing Project into an Already Tight Schedule

I officially take back everything I ever said in the past about fellow writers who couldn't manage to stick with their NaNoWriMo projects all the way to the end of the event. Back when I used to win NaNo all the time, I didn't have anything close to a full line-up of professional and personal responsibilities to manage the way I do now. It's an entirely different ballgame when you do, as it takes more than just discipline and an iron will to keep all those balls in the air. Hats off to anyone who can make it work.

That said, I'm hanging in there pretty well this year myself. I've been staying on par with my NaNoWriMo word count every single day without exception. Keeping up with everything else writing-related I have on my plate was a challenge last week, so I spent a lot of this week playing catch-up with things like my Medium posts. I've figured out a few things along the way, though. May they help those of you who will struggle in the future to add an additional project to your writing schedules when you're already busy like a mo-fo. 

You don't find the time. You make it.

I've written some Medium content about how to optimize your ongoing schedule for maximum productivity. I'm repeating the gist of what I said here because that's how important it is that you get it. I hear people continuously talk about wishing they had time to do what they want to do because they're just so busy. 

That's the thing, though. Everyone's busy -- everyone -- and I can assure you a lot of the hyper-productive people you know are a lot busier than you probably are. They have the same 24 hours to work with every day that you do. They just got super serious about streamlining their schedules, so they're not wasting time on a bunch of bullshit, is all.

On Productivity and Ongoing Creative Growth

Last month, I gave an interview to a fellow writer who's working on an ongoing series about productivity. He was very nice, not to mention very thorough. He asked me about everything from my morning routine, to my favorite productivity tools, to what advice I'd give to anyone struggling to make progress on projects of their own. I am proud to say I had a good answer to give on every front.

I'm also a little surprised at myself. I've been yelling into the void that is the internet for a long time at this point, and if you've been following me around for long, you know exactly how much progress I've made over the years on that front. The part of me that still remembers being that scattered, disorganized mess can't believe I've grown into someone with an actual system. 

And let me tell you, that system makes every bit as much difference as the productivity experts have always said that it does. I keep a schedule now, and it's vitally important to me to the point where I actually get pissed off if something disrupts it. I have a calendar that I consult every single day, and it's color-coded. I'm journaling again. And I'm doing it for the sake of actual mindfulness, as opposed to simply wanting a place to vent my many frustrations with life. 

A Very Big Win for Cat

So earlier in the month, I felt a little bit inspired on a random Sunday morning and popped off a new Medium article after weeks of just focusing on my freelancing for a while. It was an advice article aimed at younger people in their 20's, filled with all the things I wish at 44 that I'd understood at their age. It did pretty well initially -- enough to make me happy. It got curated, as well as picked up for publication by The Post-Grad Survival Guide -- very cool things that I was proud of and grateful for, but nothing that hasn't happened to a bunch of my other articles so far.

Then a couple of days ago, the damn thing started going bananas and blowing up all of a sudden. At this point, it's accumulated tens of thousands of views, reads, and claps. It's even eclipsed the initial success of that first article I published over there -- the big "beginner's luck" win I've been trying to duplicate for the past six months -- so I'm super excited. This means a very badly needed chunk of money in my account next month, as well as plenty of exposure for my work that I probably need even more. (I am trying to make fetch happen, after all.)

I think the most gratifying part of this may be the feedback I've gotten from other people. Sure, there are always a couple of trolls who feel the need to swoop in and criticize what you wrote or just be salty in general because they're big mad they're not in your shoes. The great majority of these folks who reached out to me were kind, supportive, and sweet as far as the things they wrote though. People tweeted me, they emailed me, they added me all across all my social media platforms, and they thanked me for what I wrote because it resonated with them. That sort of thing is very humbling and validating for someone like me, as all I've ever wanted in life was to be heard. 

Many Departures

I never feel like I have that much going on in my life until I actually sit down to blog when it's been a while. It really makes me realize the extent to which time flies. My cat died not long after my last post. She was on the older side and hadn't been doing that well for a while, so it wasn't completely unexpected. It managed to be wholly devastating anyway though. 

I'm not the sort of person that supports wallowing in emotions like grief or disappointment -- or at least not to the point where it starts to feel like it's doing you more harm than good -- but I can't lie. This has been really hard for me. I've had many pets over the years, but Ched was just special. She's pretty much the only living being I've ever known that I can honestly say never seemed to feel anything toward me but love. It's done me so much good to know that any living thing could really embrace me unconditionally like that because it's certainly more than I can say for even the best humans in my life.

And as tough as it can be to feel sad for the loss of both big and little souls that touch lives, I've realized there's a positive side to grief. It's your proof that you experienced someone and something worth missing. I've literally had whole-ass family members and so-called good friends exit this planet without eliciting so much as a tear from me, let alone full-force grief, but looking back on those relationships, I'm not surprised. They were never there for me. They never laughed with me or cried with me. They never actually acted like they loved me or cared about being part of my life. And to be honest, the feeling was mutual. 

I know a lot of animals are unconditionally loving and loyal -- one reason I've always preferred them to people -- but Ched was that to an unusual degree. She did nothing but love me, even when I got frustrated, irritated, or downright angry with her. I worry that I wasn't always as nice to her as she deserved, but I'm sure she had to have known how loved she was regardless. I tried to show her as much as I could and to the extent that I know how. 

The Sunset of Another Year

I can't believe Christmas is on Tuesday, nor does it seem possible that it's nearly time to say good-bye to yet another year. My relationships to both my biological and extended families are strained at best (where they're existent at all), so the holidays always bring up some weird feelings for me. However, this year I also have this wonderful feeling of accomplishment to help balance some of that.

I'm realizing that at one point, I got pretty used to feeling like a fuck-up. Every December usually finds me painfully aware of the fact that yet another year has slipped by without my accomplishing anything of note. Anything to be proud of. Nothing I've done to make my life better or truly move forward toward any of the long-term goals I like to claim are so important to me.

But not this year. This year, I can look back on a year I spent diligently improving myself. I've been exercising every day. I've been eating well. I've been taking amazing care of myself, both inside and out. I've been learning, reading, praying, and worshiping. (I am learning German, among other things!) I feel beautiful, and confident, and strong. I can honestly say I am finally growing into a woman I am proud to be and cultivating an image I'm unashamed to show to the rest of the world, either casually or in regards to something that's more serious.

Take last weekend, for instance. I've sort of made friends with one of our Instacart shoppers over Facebook recently and she asked to meet me in person last Saturday. (Normally I do the shopping and handle the orders, but Seth gets the door for the shopper in the event the delivery includes alcohol and needs to be signed for.) I'll probably never be the most voluntarily social person in the world, but it was really nice not to feel like I literally can't show my actual face to anyone because I've let my weight, hygiene, and grooming routine slide too far out of control for too long. Despite wearing boxer shorts and absolutely zero make-up, I felt like a normal human being saying hello to a friend who wanted to see me and that was really nice for a change.