Thoughts on Candidness, Self Esteem, and Pride in One's Self

I am realizing that I actually know a disproportionate number of folks who live their lives in a state of shame about one thing or another. However, this wasn't something that became clear to me until relatively recently.

I grew up knowing more than a few people who had this sort of attitude. Also, I'm a bit of a late bloomer who is so introverted, I make actual recluses look social. This means that my span of experience with other people was relatively limited for most of my life. Therefore, if I grew up around it, it seemed normal to me until I had one of the many "oh shit" light bulb moments that have characterized my 30's so far.

I've always been a pretty staunch champion of honesty and openness for the most part. Yes, I can be very private. However, I will almost always simply decline to expound upon parts of my life I don't care to have people knowing about. I won't lie or make up stories instead. I won't "technically" tell the truth, but knowingly try to give someone the impression that I'm someone I'm not or that my life is something that it isn't either. If other people don't like something about my personality or my choices in life, then I consider that to be their problem, not mine. If I myself am ashamed of something about myself or my life, then I change it... so I can look my own self in the eye every day, not because I want other people to like me more or something.

If someone gives me credit for something I didn't do, I correct them and tell them who they should be giving credit to. If someone has what I consider to be an unrealistically grandiose impression of what I do for a living or of something specific about my life, I put things in perspective for them. If someone takes one look at my baby face and assumes I'm still 25 or something, I tell them my real age.. or at least mention that I'm a lot older than I look if I don't feel like giving a number. It makes me really uncomfortable not to for whatever reason. If there's one thing that life has taught me though, it's that this is not something enough people I know actually do. I don't know if it's just too difficult for them or what, but they just let people think they're younger than they are... or more successful than they really are. In some cases, they allow people to go on for years with a completely false impression of who they are as people.

On Documenting Life and Evolving into the Future

I've kept some sort of journal for organizing my thoughts and recording my mundane little life for as long as I can remember. I don't exactly remember how old I was the first time I started one, but I do remember that I was really super young. We're talking "little kid" young -- well before my teens or anything when most people get angsty and start keeping a diary.

I think I got one of those cheesy "Dear Diary" type deals for Christmas one year. You know the sort. They're designed to appeal to young girls. They're pink or have flowers printed on the outside and have a page for every day, each one of which starts with the heading "Dear Diary". Even as a little kid, I was a shy person of few spoken words, but who was full of thoughts and feelings all the same, so there was something about that diary that really appealed to me. I couldn't wait for January 1st to come around so that I could write in it for the very first time and I've remained hooked on journaling ever since that first New Year's Day.

Obviously, I've changed a lot over the years as far as my journal-keeping habit goes. My writing style evolved and the things I wrote about got deeper and more complex as I matured into a person who is now an aging adult, not a child. The frequency with which I journal has fluctuated some as I've grown older, gotten busier, and expanded my horizons as far as the different types of writing that I do. After I joined the digital age and started relying on my computer for more things, I made the switch completely from paper journals that I hid under my mattress or kept in my night stand to online blogs that I actually share with other people. However, journaling remains a big part of my life... even when I'm neglecting it in favor of other responsibilities.

Greetings and Salutations... Again

Monterey, California

The first post in a new blog is always something of a snore, don't you think? It almost has to be an introduction of sorts so that people at least have some sort of a clue as to what they're reading so they can decide whether or not they want to be bothered to read more of it in the future.

If you're reading this at all at this point, the chances are pretty good that you follow one of my other blogs on Blogger. I have three of them -- a food and recipe blog, a spiritual and astrology blog, and a creative blog that revolves around my artistic endeavors and my life as a full-time freelancer. Either that or you're one of my friends from Facebook, Twitter, or Google+. That being the case, there's probably little need to spend a lot of time introducing myself.

Suffice it to say that my name is Shannon (or "Cat", depending on who you are and from where you know me) and that I'm a freelance writer and artist from Monterey, California. I'm engaged to a man named Seth who is also a freelancer in the arts... but then you very likely know and understand all that. Instead, I'll sort of introduce the blog, I guess.