On Being a White-Passing Black Person During a Period of Protest

My racial ambiguity means I fit into an interesting friendship niche for a lot of white people. It's relatively obvious that I'm not completely white, so folks get to pat themselves on the back for being "woke" because they're friends with me. However, I'm also white-passing enough that I don't make anyone truly uncomfortable in the way a darker-skinned black person might.

My whole life, I've been assured that this was a positive thing by black people and white people alike because I get to have it both ways. I can be proud of my blackness and claim it as part of my identity, but I can also slip into white circles without causing too much of a stir or bothering anyone.

Perhaps most importantly, I only really have to take what comes with being black when it's convenient for me. The rest of the time, I'm free to keep my mouth shut and just let people think I'm something much less threatening -- Hispanic, maybe, or Meditteranean like my ex-husband assumed I was when he first met me. And for most of my life, that's exactly what I did because it was easier for me and more comfortable for others. Who wants to make trouble for themselves when they don't have to, right?

All of the protests and riots that have been going on lately have officially found me tired of doing that though. I've always been a proud person, but that pride has officially reached a place where it extends to my racial identity as well. Yes, I'm proud to be Irish and Scottish. I'm proud to be German and to have that tiny little bit of South Asian in there too, but I'm realizing I'm just as proud to be black. I'm proud to be a part of the black story because it's my story, and I want others to know it. I especially want other black people to know I'm standing with them.

That's been losing me a lot of friends on social media lately, as it turns out that that's the X-factor that officially stops me from being a comfortable person for closet racists to be around -- whether or not I'm willing to claim my black identity loud and clear when things are going on in the black community. Some people don't get why I would do that when I could easily just keep my mouth shut and skate along quietly the way I always have. Others are downright disgusted by it, because to them black is ugly and undesirable on several levels, each more disconcerting than the last.

I've also become increasingly aware that the fact that I'm semi-white-passing means my voice is extra important. People know I don't have to claim a black identity if I don't want to, so I hope it means something that I do so proudly and loudly so everyone can hear me. So that's been going on -- a little bit of armchair activism on my part, likely to be followed by some more serious writing on the topic at some point, so stay tuned.

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In the meantime, life has largely been business as usual. I've been working diligently on my copywriting, as I do. I like what I'm doing these days for the most part and I feel fortunate to be gainfully employed despite the economic problems caused by COVID.

Although AB-5 is still out there, apparently ruining the lives of many freelancers as well, it's not much of an issue for me anymore at this juncture. In addition to some work for the private clients I've always had, I find most of my work through the same two or three freelancing platforms that have been working so well for me for months now. I'm happy with that for now, as well as with pursuing the occasional new gig or client relationship when it suits me.

My ongoing self-improvement journey continues as well. I still start each weekday with 90-minute workouts without exception. I've reintroduced the occasional breakfast back into my routine though. Sometimes I find I'm just way too hungry to skip it altogether and there's really no need to as long as I'm also exercising regularly. Thanks to options like Imperfect Foods and Thrive Market being part of my life, there's certainly no shortage of delicious fruit and breakfast-appropriate items for me to enjoy.

I'm still keeping up with my language learning as well and am up to 12 different tongues actively being learned. I've been great about keeping up with my prayers and Bible study. I've been getting back into the habit of reading for pleasure (albeit slowly). No TCM film course this summer either, so I've taken it upon myself to facilitate my own summer learning program with some video lectures from The Great Courses. I'm even back to private journaling on pretty much a daily basis.

Now if I could just reestablish that creative writing habit, I'd be golden! I'm trying not to think about NaNoWriMo, but I'll definitely admit that it's crossed my mind to make a new account over there come November and give it a fresh whirl. I guess we'll see how I feel then, as well as whether or not my schedule would permit me to do such a crazy thing.