There’s a specific kind of energy that comes from people who never interact with your posts and never cheer when you hit a milestone, but consider it important to keep tabs on you regardless.
Sometimes it’s an ex-employer or old client lurking on your LinkedIn for no good reason. Sometimes it’s a family member who dismissed your ambitions for years but still feels the need to track you all over the internet without being invited. And sometimes it’s a frenemy or an ex you know is secretly rooting for you to trip, because they’d feel better about their own inertia if you’d just slow down a little.
The Social Media Stage (Without the Applause)
Social media was something that was supposed to help us all connect, and sometimes it does. But it also makes it incredibly easy for people to stealth-monitor your journey without ever truly supporting it, especially people who know they should probably just mind their own business. They can lurk. Gossip. Screenshot. All without ever actually engaging.
Sometimes it feels like being on a stage where half the audience showed up with their arms crossed, just to see if you’ll flub your lines. And even if the evidence isn't right in your face all the time, you still feel it. You know the difference between being followed and being witnessed. One nourishes. The other just… drains.
Lurker Role Call: 5 Classic Types You Might Recognize
The following are just a few of the most common lurker species I've run into over the years, listed purely for observational purposes, of course. If you see yourself in one of these, maybe rethink your habits.
1. The Ghost
Never interacts, despite knowing you personally, but is always watching regardless. You find out they’re still tuned in via a random slip in conversation six months later.
Signature move: “Oh, I saw that thing you posted,” on the tail of total silence when it was live.
2. The Spy
Usually a toxic ex or a professional rival, but may also be someone like a former boss who gave you the boot at some point. Claims they don’t care what you’re doing, while checking your updates more often than your actual friends.
Signature move: Story or profile views, tracking breadcrumbs, and muddy footprints in your analytics.
3. The Narrative Thief
Doesn’t engage, but uses your life as conversational currency. Often found quoting your updates to mutual acquaintances or even passing off your words as their own, without ever speaking to you directly.
Signature move: “Oh, I heard you’ve been doing some kind of writing thing lately.”
4. The Silent Frenemy
Used to be loud support... until you outgrew them or otherwise rubbed them the wrong way just by existing. Now they just lurk, half-hoping you fail.
Signature move: Occasionally showing up to argue with you but never to support or congratulate.
5. The Lurker Relative
Joined social media purely to watch you. Doesn’t post, doesn’t engage. They just kind of exist in the background like a bad smell. Loves to pick apart what you post on social media behind your back or use it as ammunition against you.
Signature move: Following you when they haven't been invited to (or possibly even after you've pointedly asked them not to), and then acting like you’re the weird one.
Visibility vs. Vulnerability
Being visible is part of the gig when you’re using your web presence to build something or get your voice out there. But it comes with that weird side effect everyone knows and no one actually likes. People from your past (or the sidelines) showing up to watch or be all stalkery and weird, but never to actually help or support.
And the worst part? They think you don’t notice.
There's really only one thing to say to that. You’re allowed to keep creating, glowing way the hell up, and growing, even when you’re being watched by people who’d rather you didn’t.
Let them lurk. Let them wonder. Just don’t let them dim you, because they’re not your audience. They’re just background noise. And you? You’re the main event.
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