On Life's Recent Ups and Downs

The irritating thing about dealing with chronic brain chemistry issues like depression and anxiety is I get to play this super-fun guessing game with myself every time I'm feeling under the weather emotionally. What am I feeling, exactly, and where is it coming from? Is it just a chemical or hormonal thing, or is it something that has a cause? If it does have a cause, is it something I can fix, or do I just need to wait for it to pass? Sometimes I never do quite figure things out until after the episode is over.

That seems to have been the case with me lately. I've not been feeling like myself at all these past couple of months. I've been feeling low-key anxious in general, and it's been tough to concentrate on my writing, as my mind's felt very far away. I suspected it might be due to the election and all the trouble Donald Trump had been causing ever since, especially regarding the riot on Capitol Hill. Now that Inauguration Day has come and gone, I know that's precisely what it was.

Now that we have a new president in the White House and Trump is (for now) gone, I feel 100 percent better. I know Joe Biden isn't perfect by any stretch of the imagination, but he's nothing short of a top-tier blessing after four years of Donald Trump. He seems like a genuinely good guy who cares about his country and wants to get to work cleaning up the royal mess Trump's made of it. He wants to get all this COVID nonsense under control so that people can get back to living semi-normal lives without worrying about dying some horrible death, as well. 

Life feels normal again, and I've been able to exhale. I'm slowly but surely finding the energy to resume my regular posting schedule over on Medium and elsewhere as a result. Once I've got that back under control, there are some additional balls I'd like to throw into the air for the year to come. Valentine's Day and Mardi Gras are coming up. Spring will be right around the corner next. I'm already starting to get into that spirit, and it feels fantastic.

Some Scattered Thoughts on What's to Come

I completely spaced that it was going to be Martin Luther King Day today. Every year, I seem to do that mostly because it just falls so darned close to all the major winter holidays. Somehow, my brain never got the memo that national holidays and the associated three-day weekends aren't just spring and summer things.  

That's the great thing about my writing schedule these days, though. Thanks to the passive income I've been bringing in via platforms like Medium and News Break lately, I haven't had to pack my schedule to the brim with copywriting and ghostwriting assignments the way I used to. I've continued to write for my long-time regulars, but that's about it. 

The more income my blogging generates, the more wiggle room I have, as far as my work schedule goes in general. I usually try to get my freelance obligations out of the way early in the week when I'm freshest, but I'm a little behind where I want to be with my Medium postings for this month. In honor of Martin Luther King Day, I'll compromise by leaving the freelancing until tomorrow and spending the entire day on my other content instead. I've gotten much better at actually seeing it as work and taking it appropriately seriously.

........

I have so many emotions going on regarding Biden's inauguration the day after tomorrow. On the one hand, I'm so excited about getting a normal president back in the White House again. I get that all politicians have their agendas, but Trump just took things to this whole other level that I never want to see again in my lifetime. I have my issues with Biden, but I at least feel confident that he cares about this country and about doing a good job as our president. He's not a flaming racist, a brazen liar, or a troublemaker. He doesn't grab women by the pussy or secretly yearn to turn American into a dictatorship. A low bar, perhaps, but it's more than good enough for me at this point.

A Welcome End to an Emotionally Intense Week

Not that I really expected anything to truly be different now that we're into a new year, but suffice it say, I no longer care to subscribe to 2021's newsletter. And we're only a little over a week in, for Pete's sake. By now, everyone knows about the mob of Trump-supporting rioters that stormed the United States Capitol this past Wednesday. People have weighed in on this non-stop over the past several days, so I won't rehash all the details, but -- as was the case for many people, I'm sure -- this threw the biggest emotional wrench into my wellbeing this week. 

I've been feeling horribly anxious ever since, and I've found it very difficult to write much outside of my client obligations. Somehow, giving relationship advice and chattering on about general self-improvement doesn't seem like the thing to do right now. It already felt like people weren't really in the mood to improve themselves or their lives much this January, but the turmoil created by this event has only made things worse. Perhaps I should consider branching out soon and writing more about social issues, politics, and the like. It might give me somewhere productive to channel the very intense, strange feelings I've had this week.

I'm appalled not only by the fact that people who claim to be proud American actually did this but that there's been a sad lack of consequences for it overall. Yes, by now, the FBI has tracked some of these people down and started making arrests, but that's nothing compared to what would have happened here if these had been Black Lives Matter protestors instead of a horde of white Trump supporters. Donald Trump has been banned from several major social media platforms for inciting violence, but he's yet to be impeached or removed from office for this. 

There's quite a lot of evidence that these same people are planning even more violence to come between now and Inauguration Day on the 20th, as well, so I hope someone with some authority is taking this seriously. I'm scared for soon-to-be President Biden and Vice President Harris. I'm saddened to see family and people I thought were friends condoning what's happened here. And most of all, I'm a little ashamed to be an American right now -- especially when you consider additional factors like our failure to handle the COVID pandemic with any sort of grace. It's a lot to unpack, and I haven't been feeling like my productive, optimistic self at all.