On Rough Exits from Summer and the Coming of Fall

Lady Autumn - Olha Darchuk

So, I guess I should have known things felt a little too good to be true after I got that whole DMV excursion out of the way. It showed up in the mail really quickly, and I figured I could totally just hunker down, stay safe at home, and immerse myself in my writing for a good long while without a care in the world. I even had a nice, long holiday weekend planned for Labor Day.

But then the Friday before, I wound up having to pack Seth into an Uber and go with him to the emergency room for some digestive issues he'd suddenly started having. He also wound up staying in the hospital for a couple of days, as some blood pressure problems also came to light once he was there. He's home now and on meds with plans to stay on top of the issues that were found, but still. 

That was kind of a rough note on which to end the summer, especially considering what a pleasant summer it had actually been up to that point. Life hasn't quite felt right since, so we're still struggling to feel normal again. We've both been taking care to get our rest and make enough time for proper self-care. Hopefully, we'll feel like ourselves again soon.

Getting older is honestly no joke, people, as it's scary how quickly the wear and tear eventually add up. You do what you can to stay healthy, fit, active, and vital... but sometimes it's still not quite enough. If I could tell my younger self -- and young people in general -- just one thing, it would be not to take your health for granted, because one day staying healthy isn't going to be as effortless as it feels when you're 20. I definitely haven't been the worst as far as taking care of myself over the years, but I haven't exactly been the best, either. Definitely food for thought.

........

That said, I suppose it's time to start closing the book on summer and getting ready to move forward into fall. The equinox will be here soon -- around the time of Seth's birthday, actually. The weather is still blissfully cool here, even halfway through September, especially in comparison to other years. No wildfires right down the street this year. Halloween is on the way, with Thanksgiving and Christmas soon to follow. (How it's time for all that again, I'm sure I don't know.)

The World Has Officially Become Strange in My Absence

I went out the other day. And I don't just mean outside for some fresh air, either. I literally masked up, got in an Uber, and ran an errand before Ubering back home. I've voluntarily done almost everything I need to from home for years at this point, so up until now, I've been able to stay the hell away from the outside world without changing much about my routine. And honestly, I would have been happy to continue that way indefinitely, but I needed to get a new ID and couldn't avoid visiting a DMV field office in person.

The DMV errand went just fine, but holy shit, has the world ever gotten weird in my absence. I'm, of course, well aware of how things have changed since the last time I was out frolicking around, never even having heard of COVID before. I knew what to expect in every way. But this was my first time seeing it all with my actual eyes and experiencing it in person. Seth came with me and also hasn't been out since the pandemic began, so I at least wasn't alone when it came to the perceived weirdness of it all.

It's one thing to know everyone masks up and social distances now, pretty much as a rule. It's another thing to actually visit places I've been to plenty of times before and see people doing it. It was a strangely similar experience to nightmares I've had in the past. In these nightmares, I'd visit places I either knew very well or had found very comforting in the past, but something vital would be wrong with them, suggesting it only looked like I was where I was supposed to be. 

My sense of direction has always been terrible, so getting lost was one of my most persistent childhood fears. When I'm anxious, I still dream about it in various contexts, especially those that suggest I might just have to stay lost forever. So seeing definitive proof that COVID really has touched my town -- the place where I grew up and have lived off and on for most of my life -- was a little strange. I can actually kind of see why so many people have so much trouble accepting this reality and choose to deny it altogether because they don't know what else to do.

On the Closing of a Most Productive August

Typewriter - Geliy Korzhev-Chuvelev (1961)

A strange thing I've noticed about the effects of writing and publishing personal essays and similar material. When I am very candid in what I create, I'm left feeling like I've been picking at old scabs or otherwise aggravating old wounds afterward. But it's not as disgusting or negative as it probably sounds. On the contrary, it's actually kind of therapeutic.

For one thing, I find revisiting some of these themes -- especially the ones that are harder for me to think about -- is pretty validating. People relate to and sympathize with these experiences to a much greater extent than I ever figured. It's also allowed me to better understand my thought process at various times, as I've lost touch with it over the years. I used to wonder what the hell I was thinking when I did things like marry my ex or choose to tolerate other people's toxic behavior instead of shutting it down, but I actually remember now. And it makes it easier to be kind to my former self instead of simply writing her off as a coward or a dumb-ass the way I used to.

That said, I've actually finished all four of my entries for Medium's writing contest as of last night. All of them were very personal, and most also found me touching on experiences that are sometimes hard for me to talk about. I don't expect to win or anything (although I certainly wouldn't complain if I did), but I can honestly say I'm proud of what I put out there and think I represented myself well. I also really fell in love with writing creative nonfiction and plan on exploring it further in the future.