Has It Really Been 20 Years?

The other day I got an e-mail from one of my former classmates letting me know that my 20-year high school reunion is coming up. What the fuck is that shit about? I know I'm not the first person to ponder this, nor do I think I'll be the last, but how it's been two whole decades since I graduated from Monterey High is beyond me. I still feel like a kid in so many ways.

No, really. That's not just something I'm saying. I don't and probably never will feel like an actual adult. I don't have any kids, I don't own any property, and I don't really have a career as most people would define the word. I have absolutely no desire to change any of this either. I'm a work in progress just like anyone, but I'm happy with the level of freedom I enjoy. However, all of these factors mean I don't feel much like an adult, especially when I'm physically around people I used to go to school with.

I've had limited dealings with my graduating class over the past twenty years save for the casual maintenance of long-distance relationships with a couple of my better friends. When I have been around them, I almost feel like I'm hanging out with my parents or something. They wear grown-up clothing and have grown-up hobbies. Concepts like day care, mortgage payments, and career goals are familiar to them... but foreign to me. They look, act, and sound their age. I don't. This is neither a good thing nor a bad thing, because being on either side of that equation comes with advantages and disadvantages. It just... is.

On Living Authentically

Life has made me a huge believer in living authentically. I've just known far too many people that turned out to be something other than they made themselves out to be to feel otherwise. Really, there's private and then there's intentionally deceptive. There's not wanting to tell people things that quite simply aren't any of their business and there's keeping things from other people that they legitimately have a right to know.

I remember when social media was first becoming a thing. I hopped on the bandwagon just like everybody else and I fell immediately in love with the way I was no longer stuck playing the same old roles I'd always been cast in offline. For the first time ever, I was free to be absolutely anything and anyone I chose... and I guess that's when I finally discovered that the person I most wanted to be was myself. It was just so freeing. I no longer had to be that silly, over-dressed, perfectly polite princess other people had always expected me to be. I could have opinions. I could fucking cuss, dammit. I could just go ahead and be every bit as writerly and nerdy as I wanted to be and no one was going to try to stop me. It was a really liberating experience.

Chewing the Holiday Fat

So I finally jumped on the bandwagon and got myself a tablet. It's fucking awesome and totally convenient for those times when I want to read online or look through my social media but don't necessarily feel like being on my phone. It was my Christmas present to myself for really making some great progress professionally this year. I've been working smarter, not harder, and it's been paying off really well. My business feels like it turned a corner this year and I'm excited to see where my writing takes me next. I'm incredibly proud of myself, not only for working as hard as I have, but for actually rewarding myself with something I really wanted.

I'm even happier about the fact that it wasn't even hard for me to make the decision to buy the tablet, because at one point in my life, it totally would have been. I had the money and I was able to score a great deal on a Nexus 10, the kind I wanted the most, so I just bought it. Since surrounding myself with better people and better situations as far as my daily life goes, decisions like that have been a lot easier to make. I'm officially through with letting other people tell me that I'm not allowed to enjoy my life or spend any of the money I work so hard to earn on myself. I'm better when I actually enjoy my life.