Riding the Medium Chill

Contemplating crab shells on the beach...

A friend on my LiveJournal list posted an article yesterday that addressed a concept called "medium chill". I'd never heard this term before, but it intrigued me. In a nutshell, people who might describe themselves as medium chill are people who have taken it upon themselves to question the whole concept so many of us are sold as children -- that life is and should be all about constant and ceaseless striving to achieve on a career level. They eventually come to the conclusion that they are happier with fewer things and less disposable income, but more time to spend with family, doing things that truly make them happy. Once they have "enough", they're satisfied and don't particularly feel the need to continue trying to get "more".

The older I get, and the more questions I personally ask myself about my own values, the more I'm discovering that there are quite a few things that I thought I believed, but that really aren't coming from me at all. They were ideals that belonged to my parents and wound up getting drummed into my head as a young person. They were empty concepts sold to me by society and the rest of the world in general. They weren't my real values and that being the case, they didn't lead me to happiness or prosperity when I tried to live by them.

A Life Update and Some Musings

A Jay Named Scrubs

Every so often, I go through these periods where I feel like life is really boring. It's not that I get tired of things all by myself so much as the natural rhythm of life seems to screech to a grinding halt every now and again. Sometimes there are reasons for that feeling -- like lack of financial resources, relationships with others that I'm not happy with, or a job situation that is really busting my balls. Other times, there aren't any particular reasons at all, but rather a general malaise that just sort of drops over things like a shroud. Right now, I think it's a combination of a number of things, so it's complicated.

This seems to happen to me in the summers a lot. Summer is my least favorite season of the four by far and that's probably not surprising to those who actually know me. It's hot and muggy. It's sunny. I hate the sun and I hate heat, so that type of weather really knocks me off of my groove. When I'm in one of my funks or feeling bored with life for whatever reason, it's already difficult to find the motivation to work as hard as I should or be as productive as I want to be. The sun only anesthetizes me further.

I have been feeling the urge to do certain things lately that I consider to be good signs. One of the first things I seem to feel like doing after being depressed or sort of out-of-it for a long time is change my appearance... sometimes drastically. Lately, I've been really chomping at the bit to revamp my look and I have to admit that it's totally time. I don't think I've changed anything major about the way I dress or about my hair since just after college or so. I'm currently going on 37 years old, so... yeah. It's kind of nice to feel that familiar feeling creeping back in.

Thoughts on Candidness, Self Esteem, and Pride in One's Self

I am realizing that I actually know a disproportionate number of folks who live their lives in a state of shame about one thing or another. However, this wasn't something that became clear to me until relatively recently.

I grew up knowing more than a few people who had this sort of attitude. Also, I'm a bit of a late bloomer who is so introverted, I make actual recluses look social. This means that my span of experience with other people was relatively limited for most of my life. Therefore, if I grew up around it, it seemed normal to me until I had one of the many "oh shit" light bulb moments that have characterized my 30's so far.

I've always been a pretty staunch champion of honesty and openness for the most part. Yes, I can be very private. However, I will almost always simply decline to expound upon parts of my life I don't care to have people knowing about. I won't lie or make up stories instead. I won't "technically" tell the truth, but knowingly try to give someone the impression that I'm someone I'm not or that my life is something that it isn't either. If other people don't like something about my personality or my choices in life, then I consider that to be their problem, not mine. If I myself am ashamed of something about myself or my life, then I change it... so I can look my own self in the eye every day, not because I want other people to like me more or something.

If someone gives me credit for something I didn't do, I correct them and tell them who they should be giving credit to. If someone has what I consider to be an unrealistically grandiose impression of what I do for a living or of something specific about my life, I put things in perspective for them. If someone takes one look at my baby face and assumes I'm still 25 or something, I tell them my real age.. or at least mention that I'm a lot older than I look if I don't feel like giving a number. It makes me really uncomfortable not to for whatever reason. If there's one thing that life has taught me though, it's that this is not something enough people I know actually do. I don't know if it's just too difficult for them or what, but they just let people think they're younger than they are... or more successful than they really are. In some cases, they allow people to go on for years with a completely false impression of who they are as people.