Here I Am, For Real

On selfies, tarot spreads, and showing more of the face behind the words

So, I’ve been thinking a lot about faces lately. Not just the ones we show to the world, but also the ones we hide, as well as the ones that slip out in quiet moments when we think no one’s really looking.

Yesterday was Seth's birthday, and we had a little Lord of the Rings fire pit party planned. I wanted to clean up a little bit out back, get things ready, and maybe cut some flowers for a table centerpiece before it got too late in the day. 

I also spontaneously decided it was a good opportunity to brush out my hair, put on some simple makeup, and maybe snap a quick selfie or two. (It had been a while.) 

So I did that and shared one of the selfies across my social media platforms, just for a little something different. Nothing super staged, just me as I was on a sunny Saturday afternoon, pro "pineapple on pizza" t-shirt, sigil rings, and all. People loved it, as it had been a while since I'd really shared anything raw, behind the scenes, or completely unfiltered.

That, combined with how far back a Facebook friend recently had to dig into my timeline to find real pictures of me, made me realize I need to share more of this. Not because mysticism, myth-making, art, and creativity somehow aren’t real (because they absolutely are), but because even the best creative content can start to feel disembodied if I never anchor them back to the ordinary human face that’s living them into existence.

So this is me floating some of the same energy into my long-form writing spaces, tea in hand, freckles and shadows intact.

Faces Matter

Something I've noticed over my many years as a ghostwriter, copywriter, and essay writer of all stripes (and have been reminded of). People don’t truly fall in love with content. They fall in love with the people and stories behind it.

The articles, the images, the mystical fragments — those things might absolutely draw someone in who's never been to your world before, but what keeps them watching is ultimately the human heartbeat underneath it all. When I share my writing or my artwork without ever showing the person creating it, I imagine it can start to feel like it came from nowhere, like my voice is floating at people from out of a void instead of from another human.

The truth is, most of us want to know who’s behind the words. We want to see the face that laughs at its own bad jokes, the hands that shuffle the cards, the eyes that have cried through the lessons someone is now writing about. That’s what makes it real and keeps it relatable.

So showing my own face here for the first time in a while, freckles and all, is my way of saying, "Yes, the things I write about are real, but so am I." I'll do my best to make it a regular thing moving forward.

On Summertime and Dining Al Fresco

Bison-Bacon Burger with Cheddar Cheese

Well, summer is definitely in full effect here, where we live in Monterey. I swear it's exactly as if the earth has a calendar and can tell when we're past the summer solstice. For a while there, I was almost enjoying the warmer weather. I was excited about wearing all my favorite summery makeup looks again and breaking out all my go-to summer jams. (Lana Del Rey, anyone?)

Now, it's just... hot. It's humid a lot of the time, as well. I'm not as miserable in the heat as I was when I was still super out of shape and not taking proper care of myself, but I'm still not liking it. Heat makes it hard for me to do just about everything worth a damn to me, including working out, keeping up with freelancing commitments, and being creative with the writing time I have leftover after taking care of my clients. 

One thing I have liked a lot lately -- dining al fresco. Seth got the little area around the side of the house where we used to barbecue all set up again so we could sit outside once in a while. At first, we just used it to have a beer or a soda and a sandwich after doing some weekend yard work here and there. But once it got too hot in the house for it to be pleasant to eat dinner in there anymore, especially when we've been running the oven, we started taking our dinners out there, as well. 

Strawberry-Feta Salad for Juneteenth

We've always liked eating together, but the fresh air and sunshine have made our dinnertimes into truly welcome breaks from our workdays lately. We sit out there for a while, catch up with each other about whatever's been going on, listen to music, and unwind a little bit before going back to our respective offices. It's really been giving me something to enjoy about summer, as much of the year, it's just too chilly, too windy, or gets dark too early in the day. 

The natural lighting is excellent for food photography, too, so I've been taking advantage of that. These are shots I've taken of some of the summery things we've enjoyed for recent dinners. We've had bison burgers and chili dogs. I made fried chicken, mashed potatoes, and strawberry salads for Juneteenth. We've done Chinese, and Mexican, and Italian. 

I love to cook, be creative, and make memories, so it's been lovely to get really into doing all three at one time. It feels great to be sharing food photos regularly again, as well. I used to be so good about it but have fallen out of the habit recently. Really, I'll take anything that makes summer a little bit more bearable, especially anything that's also creative.

On Ferris Wheels, Corn Dogs, and Selfies

You'd never know that we're nine days into September at present. Labor Day has been and gone, but it's been super hot lately regardless. Indian summer -- how I hate it. Just when you think you're rid of the heat for another year, a nice hot front moves in and you're sweating your way through all your days again. 

Thankfully it wasn't this hot last week! I took a little over a week off from work the way I usually do around Labor Day. I spent a lot of time reading Game of Thrones and just fucking off in general, but Seth and I also spent three of those days at the Monterey County Fair. We were covering it as members of the press again, but we had so much fun, we really didn't even remember that we were technically working. We walked there and back, but the weather was somewhat merciful -- definitely warm, but not so hot you're sure you're about the fry to death. No one got heatstroke this year, anyway.

Body, Mind, Spirit

I'm beginning to realize that I've been on a real self-improvement kick lately. In many ways, I'm probably just normalizing a bit after what in hindsight has been several years worth of soul-searching and reevaluating when it comes to what's truly important in my life. As I've alluded to in the past, a lot of that process has involved eliminating relationships, mindsets, and habits that really no longer serve me. 

Now I'm working on rebuilding what's left and figuring out how I can get the most out of it. I want to become the best possible version of me. Better, happier, and healthier than I've ever been in my life. So far, I'm making excellent progress and that has me really excited.

Body

Like a lot of people, I realized I could stand to be a lot sounder physically. Years of working at home behind a computer while simultaneously eating and drinking pretty much whatever I want has meant I'm not anywhere near as thin or healthy as I could be. Plus, I've just let a lot of little grooming things that were once important to me kind of fall by the wayside because I've had other things to worry about.

I just gave myself a fresh dye job and a new haircut. I kept my cartoon red because it made me happy. I ditched the ultra-long length because it didn't. I'm also working on taking better care of my skin and such. Plus, I've been using the S Health app my new Galaxy S5 came with to get on top of my calorie intake and whatnot. Seth and I have been doing that for a little over two weeks now and it's already paying off. I've lost 13 pounds so far. 

Independence Day 2013

Wolfie With Our American Flag

As my American friends and readers already know, yesterday was Independence Day here in America. It's been so terribly hot here in Monterey over the past couple of weeks, but it finally started to cool down late in the day yesterday. Somehow we hadn't really gotten into the spirit of barbecuing yet this year, but 4th of July is always a great time to start, so that's exactly what we did. 

We also finally got around to taking some new pictures of ourselves and each other. I don't know how it is that we got so bad about this -- especially me. Granted I've never been someone who likes having their picture taken or who feels comfortable in front of a camera, but I definitely used to actually be in the habit of taking pictures on a regular basis anyway -- certainly at least a few new ones a month or something. This was especially the case since I've been so active online for so many years and plenty of uploaded photos are really the only way other people can see you and feel like they know you.

Summer Musings and Some Photos

Monterey Scottish Games and Celtic Festival 2012

It's a curious thing, getting older. Especially when it comes to things like the passing of the seasons. I remember when I was a kid, summers -- or any season, for that matter -- seemed positively endless. Now that I'm older, I get what my parents and the adults I knew in general meant when they talked about the way things would change as I aged. "One day, time will just start spinning by and you won't have a clue what happened."

Me as I looked on July 7th of this year.

OK, yes. I get it now. I'll be 37 years old on my next birthday  and at this point weeks, months, or even years fly by like they're on speed or something. It's easy for me to lose track of time, especially since I am so terribly busy these days. I've never sought to be a busy person, per se, as I've always preferred it when life moves at a leisurely pace. However, I suppose this is something else that just happens when you're an adult.

Somehow, I did find myself with a serious relationship, a family, and something that really does look an awful lot like a career the way that everyone else did. I love it despite the fact that it still feels as if I'm a child who is merely playing at being an adult... but it keeps me busy and it keeps outside of my own head a lot. I'm not sure that's always the best thing for me as a writer and an artist, but it is what it is. I'm still very much in the process of making adjustments there.