On Flashbacks and Flashes Forward

I've been trying to get my shit together a little more regarding this blog lately. The craziness attached to that last Medium article that went viral over the summer is over now, but people are still finding their way here out of interest in me, so I've been sprucing up a few things. For instance, I just spent the better part of an hour reformatting old posts, fixing broken images, and all of that good stuff. Of course, anytime you're going back through any of your old work, it's inevitable that you'll at least skim some of it. That was certainly a weird experience.

I don't know that I do what other writers do and get hung up on how badly my older writing sucks in comparison to my more recent work (although I definitely do see a skill level difference.) I'm more stunned by how different my thinking is. I'm in a completely different mindset sitting here in my office writing this today than I was in most of my early posts. 

I've struggled so much in life, especially mentally and emotionally. I always did my best to put on a good face in front of others -- fake it 'til you make it, and all that -- but life, in general, always seemed so pointless and unnecessarily hard. It was heartbreaking to see Younger Shannon starting projects she was so hopeful about and quickly giving up -- all the fruitless little fits and starts. I can see in that version of me someone who desperately wants her life to matter and feel worth living but has no idea what such a life would look like or how to get there. The shadow of the person I'd eventually become is there, but barely. 

To be completely honest, I'm not really sure how I managed to get myself from there to here. When I read those older posts, I see someone who wants to die and is already well on her way to doing exactly that. I suppose I eventually sank deep enough that I was finally ready to do the shadow work. I'm not sorry those dark years in my life happened, as I wouldn't be able to write the things I'm writing now without them to reflect on, but it's hard to go back and witness them as they're happening. It's hard to read the proof of how hopeless and suffocating they were.

On Productivity and Ongoing Creative Growth

Last month, I gave an interview to a fellow writer who's working on an ongoing series about productivity. He was very nice, not to mention very thorough. He asked me about everything from my morning routine, to my favorite productivity tools, to what advice I'd give to anyone struggling to make progress on projects of their own. I am proud to say I had a good answer to give on every front.

I'm also a little surprised at myself. I've been yelling into the void that is the internet for a long time at this point, and if you've been following me around for long, you know exactly how much progress I've made over the years on that front. The part of me that still remembers being that scattered, disorganized mess can't believe I've grown into someone with an actual system. 

And let me tell you, that system makes every bit as much difference as the productivity experts have always said that it does. I keep a schedule now, and it's vitally important to me to the point where I actually get pissed off if something disrupts it. I have a calendar that I consult every single day, and it's color-coded. I'm journaling again. And I'm doing it for the sake of actual mindfulness, as opposed to simply wanting a place to vent my many frustrations with life. 

Notes On Making Medium Work for Me (and How You Can Make It Work for You)

This whole Medium thing has been a trip and a half so far for one very simple reason. I've been earning a full-time living writing for many years at this point, but as anyone who's been here long knows, I'm a ghostwriter. I've probably penned hundreds of thousands of successful words for my clients (or so I've been told.)

Meanwhile, my personal writing done under my real name has mostly gone unnoticed. I had a decent-sized audience of fellow kooks on LiveJournal back when people still wrote over there, as well as on DeviantArt during my brief stint as a fantasy artist, but that's about it. Beyond that, though, I've simply gotten used to being an unknown and just doing whatever it is that I do for my own pleasure and not much else.

I sincerely didn't expect Medium to be very different from any of that when I first signed up for their partner program toward the end of last year. I knew my experience writing for the web likely meant I'd do OK over there, but I didn't expect to truly get any attention or earn any real money. Perhaps just a few loyal readers who didn't mind listening to my drivel, just like on LiveJournal, and maybe a couple of hundred extra bucks to help out with bills now and then. That profile blew up quick, though.

Yes, I'm earning for sure, and I'm getting a lot of praise for my work. I'm also getting a lot of mail from strangers who want to know more about me and -- in some cases -- learn how to do whatever it is that I'm doing these days. Companies are messaging me, begging me to mention them in future Medium posts, sometimes in exchange for money (which I don't do, by the way.) People are adding me to their networks, hoping I'll lay some more golden eggs for them to discover and take with them in their travels. It doesn't quite seem real, and I am most definitely not used to it.